african dream

Africa. I'm filled with anxiety as my departure day approaches. I have no idea what clothes to take or what, if any, items to take with me. I am only gone for nine days, five of which are extreme travel days. The four days where I am actually static will be spent in my usual state of awe and wonder as I look around a new corner of the world. This is my fifth continent of the seven and I am as giddy as a man about to see his fifth continent for the first time!

I leave Seattle and fly nonstop to Amsterdam. I'm not sure how long the flight is, but I know that when I arrive, I have a six or seven hour layover and then another brutally long direct flight to Bahrain. If I have learned anything from my previous trips across the ponds it's this: Take a pillow, a blanket and wear comfy sweats.

Then I get to rapidly decompress before I have my first daylight show in an open air cafeteria for whomever wishes to show up. These aren't the best conditions for a comedy show, but you do what you do when you can do it and try not to complain. I do this again the next day if they haven't run us off the base by then.

The next morning I fly to Sanaa, Yemen. I sit there for five hours before I continue on to Djibouti. If you have never heard of Djibouti (pronounced Ja-BOOTY), it's a small country snuggled between Ethiopia, Somalia and Eritrea. All three of these countries are fighting with each other. All three of these countries are pretty active about hurting each other. For some reason America has troops there. The "why" is for the historians to figure out, so don't ask. I'm just there to entertain them and avoid trouble...and insects.

I will be sleeping in a tent, showering outside and I have no idea what there is to see in Djibouti. Tourist trap seems to take on a whole new meaning there so I will refrain from seeking them out. I do want to get out and my adventurous spirit will most likely find me eating something that I shouldn't. I hope to avoid the same trouble that I had when I was in Okinawa when I belched at a local restaurant.

What do I buy? What do I take pictures of? Can I send postcards home from there? What does one wear to avoid offending the locals or attracting attention? Will my throat tattoos blend into the crowd?

The booking agent was nice enough to send me a little fact sheet about the area and the only part that really stuck out in my head was the "look out for scorpions, ants, and mosquitoes" and the part that read, "don't let them keep your passport at the airport." Other than these two informational gems, I don't have much to work with on this trip. FODOR's doesn't sell a Djibouti book. Thankfully they speak some French so I might be able to squeak by.

No one sent me their addresses as I requested, which should make it easier for me to send postcards should I be able. Other than a few close friends, I'm not sure anyone is aware that I am leaving the country on this INVASION trip. Should anything happen - I'm nervous.

What to wear, what to wear? Shorts to show off my lovely pasty white stems? My brilliantly blue KC Royals hat? Combat green BDU's that the military wears? A "FUCK YOU! I'm American!" tee shirt? For those of you that are thinking that the most dangerous part of my trip will be Africa, remember that I will be just as unpopular in Europe. They may not have deadly scorpions, but anyone can throw a rock at you.

After two days in Djibouti, I fly to Nairobi. I have an eight hour layover and then I fly nonstop back to Amsterdam. Another eight hour layover and I fly non stop back to Seattle. Landing safely on the 22nd or the 23rd. I should be completely wiped out.

THEN... Drum roll... I leave on the 26th for another cross country bike trip. I have until the 31st to arrive in Toronto, Canada for a show at 8 p.m. That's 1900 miles in less than six days with a show at the tail end of it. Then I have seven weeks of traveling on my bike across Eastern Canada. I wonder if they will like my "FUCK YOU! I'm American" tee shirt.

With all the layovers, it seems to me that the best thing to do with that time is to get out and see each town. If I do, then I have to take a carry-on bag for the whole trip and when I layover I can get out and see all that I can before I leave without having to check-in or worry about losing my luggage. I figure 6 to 8 hours should be enough to see any city and I get two shots at Amsterdam. Anyone know of any good restaurants in Nairobi or Sanaa?

I contacted the local papers about placing an ad indicating where I am going and what I'm doing. And, should anyone in the area have a relative in those locations, I would carry something with me and pass it on to them. We'll see if anyone does so. This might limit my traveling abilities, but again, I'm not really taking the trip wholly for my benefit.

I have less than five days to plan and prepare for both my INVASION trip and my bike tour to Eastern Canada that follows. Like I said, I'm anxious.