national day of prayer

If you forgot to do so, get out and give a shout-out to your favorite deity. You're a bit late, but I doubt that you'll pay too much in the after-world for your oversight. YESTERDAY - was the official National Day of Prayer. Of the 365 days that make up the Earth's calendar year, YESTERDAY was the only day where your praying matters to God. I think we should be thankful! The people on Jupiter only get a National Day of Prayer once every 12 Earth years. The Gods there must be really understanding or they must not suffer from the levels of low self-esteem that our Gods do here on Earth. Or perhaps they think that Jupitertonions are really ungrateful and not very humble in their presence. Of course, Jupitertontians probably don't think that God lives in the sky like we do, because their planet is so powerful that it makes all of it's energy from its enormous size and gravity. Thus, their Gods wouldn't be "above" them like we like to imagine ours to be. Jupitertonians look down at the ground while they're praying. I can't imagine many Gods enjoying someone looking down on them. It just doesn't seem to carry with it that sense of all-encompassing power that someone looking up to you seems to have.

Anyway, YESTERDAY was the day! If you were going to let the Gods know how much you loved them and how thankful you are for all the blessings they have bestowed upon you, then YESTERDAY was the only chance you had to let them know - according to the United States government. May 3rd - the holiest of the holy days, according to those most righteous and pious souls that brought you war, poverty, apathy and yatching on your dime while people die. It would be an unforgivable sacrilege for you to forget your annual penance. If you missed it, you're gonna die.

But why May 3rd, you ask? What's so special about May 3rd? Does it have something to do with the fact that is the birthday of "CHRISTopher CROSS?" who coincidentally sang the CIA brainwashing and torture song, "When you get stuck between the moon and New York City." Or is it in honor of Satan's girlfriend, Greg Gumbel's birthday? Is this the only day on the calendar that doesn't have any sacred or social significance for any of the well established religions? A hard thing to imagine when you look at the Catholic church's calendar. They have a holiday every day. Were there no groups of souls lost at the same time for God on this day? This enigma carries with it no clues. It baffles me.

A National Day of Prayer. It seems like just what the world, the universe, and, more importantly, what America needs right now.

As I circled the walls of Jericho YESTERDAY in an effort to bring down my own walls of sinful girth, I noticed that some local religious cult was preparing a sacrificial altar inside my lovely park for what was sure to be a virgin-killing, snake-dancing, bible-thumping, cattle-raping revival. Inside my beautiful park, filled with some of nature's finest work; trees, flowers and ponds. Among all of this glory that nature had brought these mindless little sheep, they set up their metal and plastic altar to praise their gracious God, which was to take place from noon to one p.m. Cause that's all the Gods require of us - Every 365th day, for one hour of praise. That and endless singing that sounds like cows fucking.

They had set up the tents and chairs, arranged the sound system so no one within two miles of the park would be safe from their vile wailing, and they brought in a huge drum kit, which is a sure sign that things were going to get nasty. Not even the animals were safe from their limitless cruelty and madness. With no where to run and hide, the animals would have to endure a full hour of God's blessed and chosen, rejoicing.

Then they sent out their well-coiffured, dead-inside dogs of war to set up their signs that would direct the mindless and the guilty toward the last free-will choice that they would ever make. Every step that could be taken to ensure the Rapture would occur on National Prayer Day was being done. Redemption - by bass drum and high hat. I didn't stick around long enough to see if they were going to bring guitars, tambourines or, worst of all, large, white, middle-aged swaying, choir girls, but one could only imagine what horrors they had in their demented minds.

I made four passes by their altar, but it was still standing as I left the park. Their strength of numbers was enough to keep me from making much of a dent in their stronghold, but I tried. One enlightened soul standing against all of Hell's backup band is really no battle at all.

I'm torn, as are many of my like-minded confederates, over what to do with all of these lost sheep. There is a dark side of you that just wishes that most of them would be willing to test their resolve and see if their faiths are true by going to see God - right now! Perhaps that's what the park gathering was for, to discuss their mass departure or to engage it.

Then there is the other side of the argument that says that you should try to save them, that there might be a way to salvage something. Hitting them over the heads with science books and baseball bats doesn't seem to work, nor does setting them on fire or feeding them to lions. But you can't say we haven't tried!

How do they get so lost? In a recent conversation with the little redhead girl, the topic of direction and guidance came up. With my present desire to redirect my career and find new things to amuse myself with, and with her similar needs to find anything whatsoever, we felt we had a good chance of finding some answers.

You get to a point in life where you wish to go further but you're either confused by too many choices, or discouraged by too few. Or you get to a point where there doesn't seem to be any choices at all and your spirit just starts to die. It's at these points that zealots are the most effective at recruiting and brainwashing the weakest of the herd. They create options or give you guidance that you just couldn't imagine being able to give yourself. They give you self-esteem and confidence and tell you what a good job you're doing. And they say all of this with the same tone a pleased father figure uses when he praises his children's passing report cards. The phrase "You'll be rewarded ...," is a constantly used phrase to reinforce their psychotic madness.

I hope you'll remember when you get to a point of confusion that you shouldn't give in to the first or easiest way out that presents itself to you. Religions aren't the only answer, they're just the simplest and usually the first in line to wrap a comforting arm around you. Sadly, the self-esteem you feel from it will be just as one dimensional as the religion that gave it to you.

If the answers to all of your confusion, and the answers to all of your questions can be summed up in one hour of one day of the year - and with the use of a drum kit, then maybe you need to ask some better questions.

As I found out while talking to someone else about what I should do, the answers that they gave me were emptier than the ones I came up with that were wrong. At least when you make your own wrong decisions, they're yours. You will take two steps back, but you will be able to take four steps forward. If you listen to someone else, you just step sideways.

If it helps, here's my prayer. A real one.

"Oh.... You! You crazy kook! I pray that you will open the eyes of those that read this and that their eyes be led to the DONATION button to the left of this post. I pray that you will show them how to use it, and use it often, so that The Daniel Ministries might be able to continue to bring them all the good word that you have blessed with us with - day after day. You know who they are, and they know who they are. I pray you fill their cheap little hearts with shame and pain and suffering. I can feel their guilt through these words. I pray that you show them how to reach down deep into their hearts and pocketbooks so that they might help The Daniel Ministries with a modest monetary "gift." A gift that will allow The Daniel Ministries to continue to afford the internet connection and the coffee that makes these posts possible. We ask this in [fill in name of deity] name. Amen."